Maybe it’s just a funk. I mean, I have been pregnant for what feels like about 5 years, produced 3 babies. In that time, I’ll just say it….I am not a good pregnant person. My hormones totally take over. I cry, I yell, I get emotional, I get angry, I just ride that hormone rollercoaster all the way from the moment I know I’m pregnant to about 3 months later.
Things are simmering down. My 4 year old is in preschool this year. My two year old, well, he is crazy, but I just let him throw his fits in between his incredibly sweet moments. Then there is my 4 month old angel. He is the most easy wonderful baby ever.
Maybe, I am getting in the groove. You know, I have come to the realization that my dishes don’t have to be done. Why do they have to be done? Cause my mom says so? If they aren’t, am I losing it? Nope, I just have a grip on reality, if you ask me. And, I know what is important that day, which it is certainly not my dishes. It’s my sanity, or the movie my boys want to watch with their mommy .
So, yeah….part of it, not going to lie, is our financial situation. It’s pretty bleak. Quite frightening, at the moment, to be honest. But, it’s not going to kill me. So far, won’t put me in jail. So….I could say that this is tearing me down. If it was, especially the day of my last post…then that is the last day that it will bring me down. I am flying on the wings of faith with that one. Leaving it in God’s hands. I am not going to leave the situation blindly, I am just going to ask him to tell me what to do, and it’s done.
With that said, as of today, I am ok. I am in a groove. I have my head on straight. I have my priorities in place. I will always have my husband by my side along with Heavenly Father. And I have my boys. The reason I keep going. The reason I breath. The reason I want to be a better person, no…an amazing person. The reason I grow.
Maybe I was worried that I wasn’t having emotional drama. I’m thinking I don’t need that. I have grown up with that ALL MY LIFE!!!! It feels foreign to not have it. What I have instead is peace, smiles, knowledge, and happiness. Maybe I am getting somewhere with this. It’s just new to me. It does feel foreign. But, it’s ok to be at peace with no emotional baggage, or worries, or strain.
So now I’ve gone from ok, to maybe I am doing AWESOME. I haven’t felt this way in so long, that it was smacking me in the face, and I thought something was wrong??? MAYBE I have never felt this. You know, I am chewing on this one for a while.
I’m laughing…I sat down with no idea what I was going to say, and you just witnessed me lay it out. No, you witnessed God laying it out for me. :) This makes me happy. Thank you Heavenly Father, you never cease to amaze and teach me. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for being in my life. Thank you for blessing me. Thank you for peace. Thank you for happiness. Thank you for my family. Thank you for those who read this. Thank you for this personal revelation.
For those who expressed to me that you have felt the same…be strong, be diligent, be brave, be faithful, and may you find peace too.