Give credit where credit is due…

To that man of mine. 

I have to say I kind of let my hubby have it on Saturday.  I was just fed up.  I have been feeling sick lately, a lot sick for a long time…and we all know how hard it is to be a mom.  When you’re a mom of little kiddos you just can’t take a sick day.  I have been sick for 3 weeks now!  Boy, am I done. 

I have also been thinking that lately I have been very generous to let David do things that he wants to do, and I TRY to allow and not complain later.  I know it’s silly, but even on days he needs to work late.  Yes, I feel like I give permission for that :), but we all know he does it cause he has to. 

By Saturday, I had had enough.  I needed, desperately, a break.  A small amount of time when no one was asking for chocolate milk, climbing on me, whining, fighting, pooping….well, you get it.

Of course, before I left I just gave it to my hubby.  How unfair and imbalanced things seemed to me.  I told him EXACTLY how I felt.  And that wasn’t fair either.

My hubby tries soooo hard.  He is really starting to get how things are with me, what is important, and how to keep me happy…mostly.  But, you know, enough was enough. 

Now, I don’t know how long it will last, but the rest of the weekend the dishes were caught up and the house was picked up.  Hmmmm, nice!  He even finished fixing the bathroom sink and really helped out with the boys when things got hairy. 

I’d like to think this to last forever…probably not.  But, I know that his intentions are good and that he loves me tenderly.

So, hubby, here is your credit…thank you.  I did notice.  I do appreciate you listening to me.  I do love the man that you are becoming for this family and its needs.  Mostly, I love you tenderly back.  Know that EVERYTHING I do is for you and these precious boys of ours.  I may get fed up with my job, but I LOVE, ADORE, and TREASURE my job and life now.  I really do.  I would never in a million decades trade my life for some recreation and sleep.  EVER!!! 

Dr. Millard and Dr. Millard….

My boys are wonderful.  As if you haven’t figured that out by now….

I had to take baby Sam in today for his four month shots.  The boys came with me.  Surprisingly enough…they were amazing! 

Eli played with micromachine cars on the floor and Josh…well, here it comes…the point of this blog…

Josh, aka Dr. Millard, goes to help himself to the latex gloves, that were a fun color of purple, proceeds to put them on and “takes care of” the patient…Sam.

Baby Sam loves this.  Smiles right at him.  And our family doc liked it too. 

Then the fun part is over, and I warn the boys that baby Sam is about to get his shots.  That they will hurt him, but we do it so he won’t get sick. That we will take care of him today because of it.  Pretty much saying we all have to be brave.

The two nurses come in to do the job….started to get their latex gloves, and here come my boys jumping right in.  They both dive into the latex gloves and start prepping with the nurses.  Ready to take care of our baby Sam. 

Josh tells him it will be ok, and Eli…well, it takes him quite a while to get his glove on.  By the time he figures it out and gets it on the whole thing is over. 

I quickly pick up baby Sam to hold him tight and calm him down. 

Dr. Millard and Dr. Millard both come over and give him a kiss on the head.  Just what the doctor ordered!

My boys are amazing, precious, sweet, loving, kind, and wonderful.  I want them to know that we will always take care of each other because that is what we have here on Earth and forever….each other.  I am so very proud of them.  They take care of each.  Yes, an occasional fight here and there, but the majority of the time it is LOVE here.  It makes me so proud to be their mom.  Maybe someday I might actually have a doctor in the family too :)

Maybe a funk….? :) Nope, God’s got this one

Maybe it’s just a funk.  I mean, I have been pregnant for what feels like about 5 years, produced 3 babies.  In that time, I’ll just say it….I am not a good pregnant person.  My hormones totally take over.  I cry, I yell, I get emotional, I get angry, I just ride that hormone rollercoaster all the way from the moment I know I’m pregnant to about 3 months later. 

Things are simmering down.  My 4 year old is in preschool this year.  My two year old, well, he is crazy, but I just let him throw his fits in between his incredibly sweet moments.  Then there is my 4 month old angel.  He is the most easy wonderful baby ever. 

Maybe, I am getting in the groove.  You know, I have come to the realization that my dishes don’t have to be done.  Why do they have to be done?  Cause my mom says so?  If they aren’t, am I losing it?  Nope, I just have a grip on reality, if you ask me.   And, I know what is important that day, which it is certainly not my dishes.  It’s my sanity, or the movie my boys want to watch with their mommy . 

So, yeah….part of it, not going to lie, is our financial situation.  It’s pretty bleak.  Quite frightening, at the moment, to be honest.  But, it’s not going to kill me.  So far, won’t put me in jail.  So….I could say that this is tearing me down.  If it was, especially the day of my last post…then that is the last day that it will bring me down.  I am flying on the wings of faith with that one.  Leaving it in God’s hands.  I am not going to leave the situation blindly, I am just going to ask him to tell me what to do, and it’s done. 

With that said, as of today, I am ok.  I am in a groove.  I have my head on straight.  I have my priorities in place.  I will always have my husband by my side along with Heavenly Father.  And I have my boys.  The reason I keep going.  The reason I breath.  The reason I want to be a better person, no…an amazing person.  The reason I grow. 

Maybe I was worried that I wasn’t having emotional drama.  I’m thinking I don’t need that.  I have grown up with that ALL MY LIFE!!!!  It feels foreign to not have it.  What I have instead is peace, smiles, knowledge, and happiness.  Maybe I am getting somewhere with this.  It’s just new to me.  It does feel foreign.  But, it’s ok to be at peace with no emotional baggage, or worries, or strain.

So now I’ve gone from ok, to maybe I am doing AWESOME.  I haven’t felt this way in so long, that it was smacking me in the face, and I thought something was wrong???  MAYBE I have never felt this.  You know, I am chewing on this one for a while. 

I’m laughing…I sat down with no idea what I was going to say, and you just witnessed me lay it out.  No, you witnessed God laying it out for me.  :) This makes me happy.  Thank you Heavenly Father, you never cease to amaze and teach me.  Thank you for loving me.  Thank you for being in my life.  Thank you for blessing me.  Thank you for peace.  Thank you for happiness.  Thank you for my family.  Thank you for those who read this.  Thank you for this personal revelation. 

For those who expressed to me that you have felt the same…be strong, be diligent, be brave, be faithful, and may you find peace too.

i got the blues…..or do i?

So, this is not finding my one thing today.  This is asking for help…..ideas.  I am feeling a little lost.   I feel I have lost my spunk….my fight.  I have stopped crying when defeated.  Stopped speaking up for what I think is right in my household.  Just kind of stopped.

 

It’s not upsetting to see boys go to bed too late.  It’s not bothering me as much that all of my dishes are dirty, that my trash stinks, that I have been stuck in my house for 5 days straight with school cancelled. 

Yes, I have tried the usuals….chocolate, food, my occasional coke, baking, winter walk for fresh air, praying, just doing things with my precious children, and even going to sonic to get corn dogs with the kiddos, but nothing seems to work.  I have also considered that the holidays are over, but this has not affected me before?

I have thought that maybe nothing is wrong and I am finding the groove of the family.  But, if that is so why do I feel so icky inside? 

Are these things bothering me and I dont know it?  I definitely feel out of sorts. I am sure though that I am not the only one that feels this way.  Do others go through this and have figured it out?  I feel new at my job still.  

You know, I like the snow.  The holiday is done and over.  I like being a house mommy and wife.  I even like throwing my mommy fits every once in a while.   I like that I can mostly keep up with dishes and clothes, and that it’s my job to do so….so still brings me back to why I have lost my spunk?

So, for those few that look at this….what ya think?  Am I losing my insanity?  I hope not, I like it…well, I will wait anxiously for any insight…let me know :)